The dreaded entry Part 1

Don’t push me cus I am close to… mos def singing on my 14 mile run the other day. Finally really got that song, strangely. Im a catalog. You the same song. Damn, say it boy… I was pounding the pavement for good 2 hours after an awesome party.

I hate when parties are over. I always want to play just one last song to make things last just a tad bit longer. Always felt same way about long races. Races you train for months at a time. All the hard work was put in and now at the last mile I dread the finish line. Two weeks ago I finished my first 50 miler and could have kept on going. I could have ran faster but I stuck to my plan. Maybe for the first time I remember my reason took over my ambitions and ego and made things work beautifully. I enjoyed every step of it… Some of those steps landed on roots and rocks and in deep mud, up and down the switchbacks and steep climbs, but every single step was enjoyable in its own way.

I took breaks to look at swamps with ducks and look up at tall ponderosa pines and try to spot a deer in the forest. I opened up my lungs and took deep long breaths. I enjoyed walking up the steep hills taking my time thinking about how grateful I am that I have two strong legs which allow me to have these unforgettable experiences.

The journey of running for me has been parallel to my journey of life. I have had my highs that took my breath away. I have had my lows where I wanted to disappear because I could not stand living in such pain. Running has always been just that. A life long roller coaster. Though regardless of which routes it took me on it made me realize the most important thing about myself. I have no limits. Not in life, not in running, not in anything I give my whole self to. There are times where I run or live strictly on passion with my eyes closed, guided by something internal -- headed forward or backwards or sideways without real direction. Sure, I have been criticized for that by older wiser folk in my life, though I never really regret living or running that way. There is time and place for being serious and there is time and place for letting the wind carry your somewhere into the unknown.

My realization of the later is what I am grateful for the most. Focus is in place, though I still see how good it feels to allow myself feel free to fall into something that perhaps may not seem rational. It’s good to take risks—maybe run in the conditions which are not suitable for running, maybe take on a task in life which could possibly lead to disappointment, eat food that may taste bad!!!