out of all places... or why I run.

Feeling the asphalt and gravel under my feet again. My heart is screaming from joy as I start plugging away up Pali road, passing one of the Heaiaus on my way.

My IT band, my left quad, my knee cap, my left hip flexor are all being pulled up and pinched by the stainless steel screws and plate but the pain is so settle compared to the explosion of my soul at the moment. I AM RUNNING.

Rolling hills, dips,downhills and even a dead boar on a side of Kapaa Quarry as I am preparing myself for the last 3 miles of this run. Trees hovering over narrow road with no shoulder but plenty of work trucks and beautiful smells.

I pass another Heaiau and pretend I am here 40 years ago where all the roads were this small and swamps surrounded the area, cars were few and far between, banyan trees spreading their fingers, luring you into their world.

I take a turn, inhaling thousands of hibiscus flowers at once. Running on a narrow ledge of brush and gravel. I am content. I am running in this moment. This breath. This exhale is all that exists for me. The touch of my foot and the heat of the ground is all I can feel.

Suddenly, there is a green station wagon which slows down and stops right next to me. Oh, a bald move from my secret fans. Window rolls down as I continue leaping forward. "Out of all the roads, this would be the last one I would chose for running"- pair of giant pearl earrings, red lipstick and flowered haole face says to me with a smile.
I turn my head. My chicago instinct yells: "Get the Ef out of my face and mind your own efin business, you white dummy."
Yet, my content island self utters the following:" Well, you are not running, are you? you are DRIVING! See ya!". I smile really big and wave as her jaw drops and she speeds away into the horizon. I take a huge leap forward over a giant cut down stump of a tree.

Many questions arise as a surf boy drives past me in VW bus with a long board strapped to the roof top, giving me a huge smile and a raised eye brow.
My spirit is calm again and I wonder what I find so compelling in "out of all places" to take the most beautiful road, the most difficult journey, the exhausting trip down many roads less traveled by others, to follow the passion for real freedom, where nothing stands between the heat of your body and the energy of this earth?!

I suppose that after all the pain which I caused my own self, the one thing which will never change is my longing for that connection with the ground, the ground which heals your deepest wounds, the roads which are endless, the journey during which you discover the darkest and deepest fears and find most simplest and most pure joy.

There is no longer the obsession with more, but rather the uniqueness of each moment. Each moment that my foot strikes the ground. Each moment my lungs feel like collapsing. Each moment my blood pumps into my heart. Gratitude for being free to have this connection with most sacred places in my soul, most sacred places of this ground...
Journeys, which "out of ALL places", others would even fathom to start.

long time no write

It has been a long time since I have written any significant updates on my running blog. Partially, there was yet another stress fracture last month ( 3rd metatarsal, but right foot this time) and then there was the "Bummer, I am going to miss this 50 miler in October!". Yet another bone scan and numerous doctor visits later, my bone density has not improved but declined, though insignificantly. Dr. N says there is nothing we can do about the bone mass lost and he wants to maintain my bone density at a level it is now. My initial reaction was numbness. I was in some sort of haze for a couple of days. Then, I got angry and I decided that I am not going down without a fight.
Few solutions to this ( and all of these are my own solutions based upon research and trial/error): 1. Go back to my original/lifelong diet of being dairy free. It has slowed me down on all levels ( running, physical, mental) and it is not getting digested properly by my system. 2. Continue including fish in my diet at least twice a week. 3. move to a sunny place and continue with my calcium/vitamin D therapy. 4. Xtrain twice a week ( as I do my strength training and cycling now but add intensity and a bit more variety ( aqua jogging0). 5. Consult with a bone specialist and proceed with my research on bone mass loss/calcium absorption.

My hope is to run a marathon in the winter and start over. Ultras have to be put on back burner until I feel like I am making progress in bone issue.
Meeting with coach to discuss what he thinks about this will also bring some relief.

p.s: Marathon watching was great! It was the first time I ever watched a race that big and, though, it made me very sad that I was not running, I was so happy for my teammates who ran so strong!

The dreaded entry Part 1

Don’t push me cus I am close to… mos def singing on my 14 mile run the other day. Finally really got that song, strangely. Im a catalog. You the same song. Damn, say it boy… I was pounding the pavement for good 2 hours after an awesome party.

I hate when parties are over. I always want to play just one last song to make things last just a tad bit longer. Always felt same way about long races. Races you train for months at a time. All the hard work was put in and now at the last mile I dread the finish line. Two weeks ago I finished my first 50 miler and could have kept on going. I could have ran faster but I stuck to my plan. Maybe for the first time I remember my reason took over my ambitions and ego and made things work beautifully. I enjoyed every step of it… Some of those steps landed on roots and rocks and in deep mud, up and down the switchbacks and steep climbs, but every single step was enjoyable in its own way.

I took breaks to look at swamps with ducks and look up at tall ponderosa pines and try to spot a deer in the forest. I opened up my lungs and took deep long breaths. I enjoyed walking up the steep hills taking my time thinking about how grateful I am that I have two strong legs which allow me to have these unforgettable experiences.

The journey of running for me has been parallel to my journey of life. I have had my highs that took my breath away. I have had my lows where I wanted to disappear because I could not stand living in such pain. Running has always been just that. A life long roller coaster. Though regardless of which routes it took me on it made me realize the most important thing about myself. I have no limits. Not in life, not in running, not in anything I give my whole self to. There are times where I run or live strictly on passion with my eyes closed, guided by something internal -- headed forward or backwards or sideways without real direction. Sure, I have been criticized for that by older wiser folk in my life, though I never really regret living or running that way. There is time and place for being serious and there is time and place for letting the wind carry your somewhere into the unknown.

My realization of the later is what I am grateful for the most. Focus is in place, though I still see how good it feels to allow myself feel free to fall into something that perhaps may not seem rational. It’s good to take risks—maybe run in the conditions which are not suitable for running, maybe take on a task in life which could possibly lead to disappointment, eat food that may taste bad!!!

Denn die Todten reiten schnell...

Quote Burger's "Lenore" mentioned in Dracula which I was devouring today.
Energy.
Being surrounded by girls from team has set an incredible tone for the rainy gloomy sunday. Sore throat aside, I screamed "Go get'em" and "Kick it to the finish" at the Ravenswood 5k. Kalina, Lisa and Jessica ran so well. Great to see Holly on her scooter and Christina as well. They both ran the 10 miler yesterday, and Christina came in 2nd! She is so speeedy! It was amazing to see Jon run today too. Just to think how much faster he is running now... His excitement and joy have immediately transfered to me. He sent me the sweetest message thanking me for taking him out running and encouraging and supporting him. He is a sweetheart.

Tapering officially began today. Allergies or cold is what I got. Not sure which it is, though I have plenty of benedryl and claritin laying around from Em's rabbit allergies :) As she enters the appartment, I have it out already. I should just have a drink and a pill next to it on a tray ready for her each time.

I cross trained on eliptical for an hour, then did half hour of upper body and core in between of u.body sets. A woman waiting for eliptical questioned the correct reading of the time on the machine. Yes, it's only an hour and I do like to bust my ass on it ;) Started talking about me running ultras. I tend to start conversations with anyone. I noticed that a while back. Odd.

Weights felt really light today, and I realized that if I focus and let things fall where they belong, things just work out in the most beautiful way.

I saw the city far from the southside as I traveled to meet my new dog sitting client who says "shit" just about after each sentence. City was wrapped up in a blanket of fog as my mind cleared off all the bullshit. Suddenly it came to me again. All of it. It gave me goosebumps, just like earlier in the week when I listen to Neko Case piercing me through and through with her voice and amazing beauty. Memories rushed full force then. Something I learned to shake off and move on. Too tough and skin is too thick.

65 running miles this week and about 60-80 biking miles. By Saturday legs were total shit. I bonked out after 5 on saturday since I was running late again. Running late. Should be the title of a book that I would like to burn or shred. That habbit irritates the living shit out of me. Something I would like to leave behind, unless I accidently start running at an ethopian pace. Might have to run shoe-less and drop a couple douzen pounds at least, which is unimaginable. Hmmmm... but... perhaps doable, regardless.

Less distractions does indeed equal to a happpy T.