This morning I felt like the bed should just swallow me at once. Dreams were haunting me again and words were still echoing in my head from last night: "why wouldn't we?", "no you wouldn't", " i am a big girl".

all of this was spinning in my head as I tried to just get the hell up. Making mistakes, falling back, falling right through me. I felt like a filter for all of their emotions, their sadness, their happiness, frustrations, admiration, hints, clues.. just too much in my head again and my raw emotions were completely exposed again and I felt vulnerable and helpless.

"suppose pms doesn't quite help with all of this", I thought as I glanced at my calendar.
Head still pounding in unison with heart so I threw on the headphones and headed for the door. Time was flying by as my legs filled with led carried me again along chicago river and away from downward spiral of my thoughts. I was making my own english lyrics to eisbrecher and singing along to "sonne" by rammstein.
This was the only break I ever get .. when I am out there.. just me and the road.. head is clear.. everything is just right.

Legs felt a little off today. A little heavy after 35.5 miles at Waterfall Glenn this last sunday. It was beautiful, sunny, windy, rolling hills.. Trail filled with possibilities. Every rock spoke to me. My lungs were hurting just from breathing pure air filled with smells of pine trees and swamps. I slowed myself down on every incline, and definitely up the big hill on every loop. Took it easy at 9m/mile pace. By the 5th hour I didn't have the urge to sprint the downhills or hurdle the "No parking" trail signs. Cyclists were cheering me on. I even heard a "Go get'em" on my last loop from a couple walking their dog :) I didn't want to stop by had to return the car, and I think I started to freak people out on the trail. Happily I drove back to the city feeling accomplished.

I still fill a little out of focus. My body is ready. My mind is.. work in progress.